I believe strongly that I was meant to marry my spouse.
I am a soon-to-be Surgeon's wife and my boyfriend and I have started discussing the changes that are going to happen when he enters his residency. Make sure she knows the plan, so you both can dress appropriately.
I'd at least insist that at 12 the kids can choose to disaffiliate. You can consider some positive activities and allow you to communicate and learn from each other.
When we are together it is amazing he obviously has work that he takes care of when I am there but for the most part he tries his best to leave work at the office. You should not be trying to be exclusive with one person, so go on dates with as many people as you can.