Sex should be fun, but it can also be complicated. Welcome to Sexual Resolution , a biweekly column by sex therapist Vanessa Marin to answer your most confidential questions and help you achieve a healthy, joyful sex life. In this edition, she answers a reader who wants to have anal sex but whose partner has a big penis. She's nervous about the potential for pain, but Vanessa has some helpful tips. Have your own question? Ask it here.
A little preparation will help a lot. One of the common misconceptions is that anal sex will hurt, weaken or damage the anal muscles. People have enjoyed anal sex for many years without ever causing damage. The way they do that is by never going further than what feels good. You can do something else on those occasions and have anal sex another time. There are a few different reasons why anal sex might not feel good.
How to Prepare for Anal Sex
Going from having nothing up your ass ever to suddenly a whole penis can be jarring in many ways. The rumors are true: Anal does have the possibility of getting messy. If you want extra peace of mind, make sure the surface you and your partner engage on is comfortable and washable. Sure, the idea of a numbing cream that protects you from feeling any potential pain during anal is nice, but the risk for injury down the line is not worth it. Take any pressure to perform off yourself by trying penetrative anal sex alone first.
More young women than ever—45 percent—are trying anal, according to the latest research from the Kinsey Institute. If you're considering having anal sex for the first time, you're probably wondering how to prepare, relax, and enjoy the intimate moment with your partner. We called in the experts: Rachel Needle , Psy. The last thing you want to be before attempting anal is tense. If this is your first time trying anal sex, spend some time relaxing—take a hot bath, ask your partner to give you a sensual massage, heck, you can even meditate. You can also focus on specifically relaxing your anal muscles. To see what that feels like, tighten your butt muscles—kind of like a kegel for the other end—and then release. As with all types of sexual activity , anal sex is something that should be discussed beforehand," says Needle. Trust me, this is one area in which you do NOT want any surprises.