I made the decision not to have those things when I married a non-member.
As for deciding to marry someone who is not mormon, here is how I made the decision. You guys are looking into this wayyyyyyy too much.
In many ways, she was everything that I ever wanted in a spouse, but in other ways she was not what I ever expected.
Patriarchal leadership is something that most women in the world valued until recently, but it is still a chief value with Mormons.